End Of August Thoughts...

Here's my sorry its been a while but I'm back post...

Now that that's out of the way. Major side eye Charity smh

I have basically been on this little high since my birthday. With out pouring my whole heart on social media I will say your girl felt very loved and it makes such an impact because I have always felt a little left out in the family department. Especially being in New York without mine. I definitely have a better sense of belonging and that felt stronger than ever this year.

So some of you knew that I needed a computer like forever ago and ya girl was gifted one for her birthday (insert high pitch screaming). The amount of work that I have been able to get done has almost shocked me. Our phones are pretty convenient and we get a lot done but there is nothing like opening up your computer with 13 windows open and bouncing back and forth between them all.

I've started on my fitness website and within a week have been able to knock a lot of it out. I'm getting a lot of thoughts and ideas out of my head and on paper well screen at least. My laptop was down for almost three weeks. Now I feel any kind of guilty if I go a whole day and night without using my computer, I feel like I can't take any screen time for granted... so sad

While I am keeping it so honest with you guys this whole year has taken its toll on me. It has taken an insane level of honesty for me to see the root of some of my problems. Ya girl has even taken the time to find a counselor. So for I'm pretty ok with her she knows a lot but not everything I see her about once every two weeks.

Something happened a couple weeks ago. I have this streak of motivation that isn't always there. I need to take advantage and use this time to consistently be proactive about all of my businesses. I like how that sounds... all of my businesses.

I've been paying more attention to my thoughts lately. Really trying to pick apart the process that leads me to negative thinking and self doubt. It doesn't come from no where and it always finds a way to stay and get a little too comfortable. Here it is the end of August more than half of the year is gone and I have a certain level of disappointment in myself along with an amazing amount of pride. I feel like the disappointment is mainly because in these particular areas and situations I know better and should have done better. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put ourselves in situations that hinder our growth? I'm actually am convinced that I like to see myself squirm until I am almost out of options and then I do some crazy amount of work or some extravagant tiresome plan just to bail myself out. Then I'm left feeling like I really made some stuff happen when all I really did was make things harder on myself and do excess work. Dissecting this pattern and this way of thinking is challenging you really have to jump in and check your own thoughts the thoughts you don't tell anyone and the feelings you keep inside. Getting a 3rd party involved has helped me because talking to myself or half way talking to my support system is counter productive. You have to be honest with yourself most importantly.

I am prideful because under the circumstances I could have crumbled and left. I have not and will not. I have come so far that this cannot be the end of the road for me and New York City. What I have built for myself with the help of my team can be carried on forever... but that is all up to me.

Until next time,


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